Final Cut

I had a great lunch with a friend today and we shared a laugh about how we have struggled with friendships that weren't "making it" for us. Folks weren't going to make the "final cut" into the inner circle of our (mostly, my...) intimates. Inmates.

Intimates...inmates...how interesting. In leads we often hear about someone "taking a hostage" which usually refers to a marriage. Alanon's aren't as innocent as they look, but I still think that phrase applies.

I have been dealing with balance, or lack of, in my relationships. It says in the 4Th step: "The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being." Decidedly harsh, but pretty accurate. I am thinking that this is no easy task for anyone. It goes on to describe: "Either we insist on dominating the people we know, or we depend upon them far too much."

This has to be more common than just addicts, we just have a magnifying glass on our relationships and man can those babies burn. I have been practicing just being friend among friends, one in the crowd. NOT sexy, but it has a calm and a peace that is very nice.

When I don't try to drive relationships I do find that I have more peace. I also seem to have fewer folks I want to hang with. Those relationships where I was the more dominant wear me out, those where I was more needy just annoy me. There will be fall out here. I guess that is ok. It is what it is.

My friend says that she lacks patience for the really unbalanced relationships. So she doesn't have many. I always thought I was impatient, but perhaps I have more than I should in this area. So how do you handle this? How to practice discernment and not judgement. I don't need to become for judgmental just more attentive to the "true partnership" whatever that means.

So back to the final cut...how do you decide?